Got nukes? Anyone got nukes? Need some nukes here... (UPDATED)

Dozing off while waiting for Brit's kids to get snatched by California Family Services as she one-up'ed Fed-Ex and parked her future of a career in front of the Paris Hilton Demo Express, we have this:


Because really, the Bush administration has made the world a much safer, Cabbage Patch Kids Land of fun and freedom. Let's see, can we pull out the checklist?

North Korea: Got nukes (and famine, and concentration camps, but no iPods)

Iran: Knowing it needs to get nukes so it doesn't become "Iraq Part II: Dumb as Saddam"

Rest of the Middle East: Breaking decades of non-proliferation and following the wannabe Vanity Fair "It Girl" mantra of "Um hellllllo... if they have them, I MUST have them, and twice as many, okay??? ... And, like, they better fly farther and blow up way more shit, too!"

But to make things even safer, now we have Japan: "Well, you know... we're the only country that got nuked... so we, um, know what that's like... and it's not good... and we have a Constitution that kind of prohibits this kind of thing... but you know what, we need nukes, too, so that we don't ever use them... you know, having them will for sure make sure we don't use them... yeah, that's right!"

In light of all this safety and freedom, maybe Dubya will throw on the jock strap and flight suit to proclaim, yet again, "Mission Accomplished" on Planet Earth, and start planning some really cool Star Trek stuff on some crater on the Moon... you know, get the whole colonization and nuclear winter thing to go "lunar"...

Naw... no way we're there yet...